thanks, hugs, tears and a few thoughts

Thanks for the emails, reiki, thoughts and calls. I think that it helps to know that others care and understand...it eases the pain and makes it easier to "come back" after the storm. Thanks for that. Somehow I'm feeling better as the week comes to an end.

We lost Willie late on Monday night and it was both sad and traumatic. It was a very, very bad experience, actually - and that is all I really want to say about that right now. Distance helps give us perspective and for that I am grateful.

I find that there is so much guilt involved with pet loss - "are we doing the best for...", " could I have been a better advocate...?", "why didn't I ask about...?", "maybe I should have insisted...?", "I wish I would have..." and so on. I wonder if it is similar with human illness and death? We become a voice for our pets and also have that "choice" to end their suffering with euthanasia - a call we really don't have to make with our loved-people. So many opportunities for guilt and second guessing. Its hard.

So we're working it out. It will take time.

I'm hoping for a garden post this weekend as there is a lot of vibrance out there - a good feeling of new life.

xo

Balancing

It is just so weird around here lately.

Looking at my last post, I wondered if it might give a glimpse into that?

It seemed odd that I chose to combine a post about the decline of our elder cat, Willie, with pics of my latest plush creations. And, it still seems odd to me. No, I wasn't tipsy...I also wasn't trying to seek out attention or anything like that. It was simply a reflection of how things have felt to me here lately. Odd. Feels uneven to share something cute with something devastating. How does one hold both things?

Spring is here. Mid-March & all. Happy times. Fresh times, right? Uhmm..?

A trip to Canton is on the horizon...well, like, actually this upcoming weekend...if it happens at all. Time stands still and it whizzes past me. Is that normal? Doesn't feel normal. Feels odd.

The good thing is that Willie woke us up to feed him this morning. Bad thing is that he refuses tuna juice tonight. Some things slip through your fingers. Time feels like that tonight. Time feels like that so far in 2008, to be honest.

Slipping through the proverbial fingers...but abso-freaking-lutely...standing still.

For today & for this weekend, we/I will try to stay in the moment. We will love our old cat, brush him and hand deliver tuna treats. We will try not to think about the fact that Easter comes around again without an egg hunt and that Mother's Day is just around the corner. We will try not to think that we'll lose another family member before the daughter in our hearts has a chance to ever meet them.

Perhaps it is better to attempt not to dwell upon the above vs. "not think about it" because such things are already in our thoughts and there isn't much we can do about it.

I don't have 3 Words to sum it all up - I wish that I did. Maybe I should try harder? 2008 has gotten off to a rough start and I'm sure hoping that there is a corner coming up that we'll get to turn around for a brighter perspective.



*PS - Regarding the pic above: Iris has been acting out, I'm thinking because of all the attention that Willie has been getting here lately. Above you'll see her attempt at comic relief in scaling the curtain rod.

Yes, she needed to be surgically removed!

Yin and Yang

I'd like to introduce you to the two most recent plush additions to my buttercupbloom etsy boutique:

Edwin the Excellent Owl - who hails from a Ponderosa Pine in Oregon


And, his sister, Ms. Hester Gillespie, the Amazing Hoot Owl...a Southern gal


Sweet.


Its been a little difficult to smile around here as our family has been dealt yet another blow. Our elder cat, Willie, was diagnosed this week with an incurable type of heart failure. Sudden, yes. Too close to losing, Cleo, yes. Cherishing this last weekend together, yes. Lots of cans of tuna being opened...and juice being squeezed for our boy. He's as happy and comfortable as we can enable him to be. So hard.

So, plush owls make us smile...as do brand new baby nephews with names that start with the letter "O". I'm off to visit baby "O" tomorrow as long as ol' Willie remains stable.


Yin and Yang.

Special Delivery!

This special bit of jewelry couldn't be more perfect for me. The x's and the o's. The Ruby and the Pearl. I thought that I should wait to give myself this gift until Mother's Day - but why?



Please go have a look at SandySimone's lovely etsy shop. You just might find something equally thoughtful and poignant for yourself. I can wholeheartedly say that Sandy is a lovely spirit and to own a bit of her work might just make you cry happy tears. I did.

More later, I promise. Been feeling quiet but missing you.

xo

Gardening is Good

Its been quiet over here at the buttercup casa. Contemplative and quiet. Thank you to everyone who has offered condolences and empathy via our comments section, email and phone. It all has helped...and I am grateful.

Gardening has helped, too. For months I haven't wanted to venture to the backyard as my guilt has been heavy & I couldn't bear to look at how neglected my garden has been. I was convinced that after the combination of last summer's heat wave, three (fairly) back to back long vacations w/o a gardener and just the schlump that the end of 2007 bestowed upon me - my garden might never recover. I should have known better...

The snowdrops are thriving!


As are the Hellebores!


Can you see the weeeensiest bit of green on this Viburnum?? I thought FOR SURE I'd killed it last year - but the girl is coming back!!


Finally, here is a picture of my Flowering Quince. Long time buttercup readers may remember how I planted the original on the first Mother's Day after we were logged in - that was 2006. It died, so I planted a second last May. It did okay as I watered it religiously last summer. Here's a link to that story & pics. Sure looks like we just might see it bloom for the first time this Spring! EX-cellent!


Just for fun, here is a pic of my latest plush creation. Harriet the Hoot Owl! Doesn't she look cute amongst the Forget-me-nots?


Thank goodness for the Garden.
xo