It is just so weird around here lately.
Looking at my last post, I wondered if it might give a glimpse into that?
It seemed odd that I chose to combine a post about the decline of our elder cat, Willie, with pics of my latest plush creations. And, it still seems odd to me. No, I wasn't tipsy...I also wasn't trying to seek out attention or anything like that. It was simply a reflection of how things have felt to me here lately. Odd. Feels uneven to share something cute with something devastating. How does one hold both things?
Spring is here. Mid-March & all. Happy times. Fresh times, right? Uhmm..?
A trip to Canton is on the horizon...well, like, actually this upcoming weekend...if it happens at all. Time stands still and it whizzes past me. Is that normal? Doesn't feel normal. Feels odd.
The good thing is that Willie woke us up to feed him this morning. Bad thing is that he refuses tuna juice tonight. Some things slip through your fingers. Time feels like that tonight. Time feels like that so far in 2008, to be honest.
Slipping through the proverbial fingers...but abso-freaking-lutely...standing still.
For today & for this weekend, we/I will try to stay in the moment. We will love our old cat, brush him and hand deliver tuna treats. We will try not to think about the fact that Easter comes around again without an egg hunt and that Mother's Day is just around the corner. We will try not to think that we'll lose another family member before the daughter in our hearts has a chance to ever meet them.
Perhaps it is better to attempt not to dwell upon the above vs. "not think about it" because such things are already in our thoughts and there isn't much we can do about it.
I don't have 3 Words to sum it all up - I wish that I did. Maybe I should try harder? 2008 has gotten off to a rough start and I'm sure hoping that there is a corner coming up that we'll get to turn around for a brighter perspective.
*PS - Regarding the pic above: Iris has been acting out, I'm thinking because of all the attention that Willie has been getting here lately. Above you'll see her attempt at comic relief in scaling the curtain rod.
Yes, she needed to be surgically removed!
14 comments:
I completely understand the "all over the place" feeling, and I don't think it's odd that you posted about the owls and the poor health of your furry child. Sometimes our brains do that for us, to keep the obvious from becoming overwhelming.
I can completely feel the sadness in the somber tone of your post, and quite frankly, it brought tears to my eyes. Not only for you, but for me, for all of us. You are just really spot on with how time slips away while it stands still. We do lose family members, more holidays pass, Mothers Day... I guess your post just really hit home with me today as I prepare spend another holiday with other peoples children, people who don't "get it" and never will.
Thanks so much for this post... made me very introspective today...
Hugs to you my crafty friend...
What a great, realistic post. I sympathize with you so much. but, I embrace your words with agreement. You are an awesome thought provoking writer.
Lea
I know I am not in the same place, but I do hear you, and I do know that supremely uncomfortable feeling of things being out of sync, of not feeling like your own skin is on right. I am thinking of you.
My thoughts are with you, my friend. This waiting, with an unknown end point, casts a dark shadow on everything. Even in moments of fun and creativity, it is there lurking.
Will continue to hope your kitty knows the love surrounding him.
Iris has got some skills!
I'm sorry things are difficult just now. Please know that I care about you. I hope better times are in store this year.
((hugs))
In a very strange way, I get what you are saying. It's like a kaleidoscope of thoughts, experiences, emotions... My dreams have been like this lately.
Embrace it. All of it. The odd. The unusual. The pain. The joy. Embrace it all. That's what being in the moment is about. And let it go down to your heart- those thoughts are there for a reason, and I'm betting they want to take residence somewhere deeper. It's hard, so hard, to let it happen, because I think there is always this fear of being consumed by our grief. But surprisingly, we don't seem to drown. There's relief in letting go. In letting yourself feel whatever you're feeling. No matter how contradictory those feelings are, or how strange life might seem.
I'm probably not making a damn bit of sense either.
But, I think you're 3 words are Embrace The Moment.
Sometimes life is a balancing act. Hope you find your center.
"How does one hold both things?" Seems to me, you're doing it, sister. Embracing the good, facing the bad, and all the while, still swimming...
For me, it's this THIRD Mother's Day that gonna hurt. Big. BUT - you're coming to Canton! WOOOOT! Do tell, pretty please, your deets when you get a chance...
That's a great picture. I know what you mean about time slipping away and standing so still at the same time. Its a remarkable concept. Happy Spring! I don't want to wish my life away, but 2008 can just move on out as far as I'm concerned!
What an intense post to accompany your last. Balancing is key and yet so difficult to do.
Tuna kisses to Willie.
well put, and DITTO.
watching for the mailman to bring me Daniel the Peach!
I hear you on being off-kilter. Weird time.
I appreciate your post. And, miss you.
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