Friday, March 28, 2008

thanks, hugs, tears and a few thoughts

Thanks for the emails, reiki, thoughts and calls. I think that it helps to know that others care and understand...it eases the pain and makes it easier to "come back" after the storm. Thanks for that. Somehow I'm feeling better as the week comes to an end.

We lost Willie late on Monday night and it was both sad and traumatic. It was a very, very bad experience, actually - and that is all I really want to say about that right now. Distance helps give us perspective and for that I am grateful.

I find that there is so much guilt involved with pet loss - "are we doing the best for...", " could I have been a better advocate...?", "why didn't I ask about...?", "maybe I should have insisted...?", "I wish I would have..." and so on. I wonder if it is similar with human illness and death? We become a voice for our pets and also have that "choice" to end their suffering with euthanasia - a call we really don't have to make with our loved-people. So many opportunities for guilt and second guessing. Its hard.

So we're working it out. It will take time.

I'm hoping for a garden post this weekend as there is a lot of vibrance out there - a good feeling of new life.

xo

29 comments:

3D said...

I am so sad that you are going thru this grieving and painful times. Those questions linger. Hard to know the answers. Trust in heart and know that you loved your Willie and only wanted what was best for him. May not help now but hopefully, your heart will feel lighter and you can take comfort in the good thought of your fur baby.

Keep smilin!

OH MY #6 said...

Oh my, you are so sweet. My heart goes out to you.

Lea

M3 said...

Big hugs...

Jacquie said...

So very sorry. Been there so I totally understand your second guessing thoughts. Hang in there. Time helps.

K said...

I'm sorry you lost Willie and that his passing was traumatic. I hope you are able to gain perspective and find peace around it.

When Max had his heart attack at home, I felt a little panicked at the thought that he was suffering, but after he died and I had some days to think about things, I realized that the suffering he did was when I took him to the vet. As a result, I'll no longer be doing that for my four remaining geriatric cats. I will be trusting my instincts. I was ignorant with Max and he paid for that. Thank heavens I know better now.

I understand the guilt, too. I felt it with Max and with caring for my Grandmother, but I have peace knowing I made the right decisions with my grandmother and did the best I could with the knowledge I had (or didn't have) with Max and I feel more confident in how I'd do things when faced with them again.

If you want to talk about Willie, just give me a call or drop me an email. Or if you want to get together and sew or just go out and talk at all about him, fine with me.

Joannah said...

I am so very sorry! Losing Taylor last fall was also traumatic, and I had some guilt about it all, too. I think that's really normal. It will be difficult for a few weeks to come, and then the good memories will overcome the hard ones, and he'll live on in your hearts.

((hugs))

walternatives said...

thinking of you, sweetie...

Rhonda said...

I'm so very sorry...

You Know Where You Are With said...

I am really, really so very sorry to hear this, W. I will be thinking of you this weekend and hope you have the chance to sink your hands into the garden.

Cavatica said...

So sorry. And I remember those guilty, wondering "what if" feelings.

Mrs. Vandertramp said...

More hugs.

Lili & Robin said...

I can't believe you lost another pet so soon....how awful for your family.

hope the gardening is comforting.

Special K said...

Peace to you.
And cyber hugs...

Beeb said...

warm thoughts for you and jzboy.
comfort and peace...comfort and peace, my friend

Mamacita said...

You know, I had the exact same questions enter my mind with Ginger. Her passing was also traumatic, but mercifully quick. The thing that really helps me now is to remember all the love, treats, soft beds, long walks, car rides with the head out the window. All that stuff makes me feel good that she was a part of my life. You'll feel that eventually too. Take care! Hugs from me too.

Lisa M. said...

Sorry, SO very sorry........

Tammy said...

You were a good Mom to Willie.

Hugs to you.

DND said...

Having been on both sides of this situation (the owner and the doctor) I know all about the questions and the second guessing. In the end, all that matters is that you did the best you could for your fur baby and gave them the best life possible. My heart goes out to you.

Katie J said...

I'm sending my heart and hugs to you. Oh so much to go through at once. I'm so sorry.

secret agent said...

Oh no,
I'm sorry to read this.
Guilt is horrid.....it all boils down to never knowing when it is the end.....for both people and our pets.
We can't predict the future
we can only do the best we can at the time.
I'm still beating myself up over missed renal failure in my cat.
The guilt is useless.

I'm sorry
and I'm sending you a huge hug.

"M" said...

Continuing to think of you.

Big XOXOXOX

FDChief said...

Sorry about your kitty. It does sound like you cared for him very gently. Thinking of you

kris said...

As I said in my email, I am so sorry for this loss- and I can tell you that the guilt you feel is present in any loss. I cannot tell you how I would have done things differently for my mom, especially on the night she died (alone). It makes me almost physically sick to imagine how it (so EASILY) could have been different.

I am so sad for how you are feeling right now and am holding you close in my thoughts. I can't imagine how hard it is.

PIPO said...

I am so sad, friend! You have had so much hurt in such a short time. My heart is with you as you grieve.

Kayce said...

Oh friend I am so sorry. I know your pain and I'm about to know it better. Molly is still here, for now. Every day is a milestone. As for your guilt, let it go. We have family in the "Vet" business who are guilting us for not doing another 6 months of VERY expensive chemo. We've had to tell them to please understand our choices and support us during this.
I understand your guilt.

I'm so here for you if you need anything. Major hugs being sent over the hill to you!

Shannon said...

With love.

Michele said...

Some gardening beauty will surely help you feel better. Your baby is ok and she knows yo loved her with all your heart every single day.

Hugs!

taxitalk said...

I am sorry to hear about your lose. TOugh stuff. distance is key, you'll look back one day you'll only remember the happy time. Remember.

Jessi said...

Late, as usual, but I'm so sorry. Thinking of you, as usual...