A Change of Scenery

Who knew that a weekend trip to the Lone Star State would give this California Girl such rejuvenation?


Folks are really nice in Texas. Like, really nice. Cars pull off to the side of the road to let you speed past when you are racing to the airport, vendors will tell you all about their kids while you shop their antiques and receptionists will kindly guide you to the hotel with a welcoming Southern drawl and an attitude as sweet as the local iced tea. Take Jules for example, she not only left her car for me to pick up at the airport, but directions to her casa and full permission to kick it with her brand new puppy til' she got home several hours after my flight got in! Now that is nice. And, I was humbled.

Why Texas, you ask? Good question. A small gathering of adoption-blog-cyber-friends decided to meet up in Canton, TX to visit this place:


This is the East Entrance to the self-proclaimed "Largest Flea Market in the World" otherwise known as First Monday Trade Days! Who knew?

Jules and Michele organized BobbiJo, Virgina, Angela, Michele's cousin Melissa and I for a full-on shopping extravaganza. There were promises of amazing Chinese Buffets, dirt cheap vintage fabrics and all the funnel cake your heart could possibly desire. Here we are walking in with empty shopping carts and early morning energy:


I wish we would have gotten an "after" picture as the dusty shoes, sore feet and bursting wire carts were a sight to see.

Here is a pic of the coolest thing that I purchased:


A bracelet made from antique tab typewriter keys! How cool is that? The letters spell out "1 Lucky Girl". Jules and I chatted with Andrea, the woman who makes these cool things, and decided that we most definitely would have been friends with her had we known each other in high school. Click here if you'd like to see Andrea's online shop.

Care to guess what Angela & I are drinking here? Milkshakes? Rootbeer Floats? Nope. These are actually cappuccinos. Texas-Style, I suppose. In a HUGE cup and topped off with a LARGE dollop of Ice Cream. We really had no idea what we were getting into. Unfortunately for us, Canton is both a dry county as well as one without Starbux...and we were dying for some caffeine.



All things considered, the flea market shopping at Canton was a'ight. I got a couple interesting things and ate the most delicious 2-inch high funnel cake. Best part for me was the getting away, the being with and the coming home. It was great to come home and that is a good feeling to have. A reminder of how fortunate I am. I'm very thankful for that.

The "being with" that I refer to is all about spending time with other moms waiting in this adoption limbo like me. It is normalizing, grounding and something that I desperately needed. The best part of the weekend was spent with my roadtrip-mates, the compadres that we met up with at Canton and just one on one with ol' Jules. Here she is:


Now this is a woman who LOVES a good monogram. Just take a look at her online shop Pink Polka Dots for proof. I got to see her Big White Machine in action and it was amazing!! Thanks, Jules for making this trip to TX so memorable! It all came at just the right time.

Now that I'm back, I will work at reconnecting. I've been offtrack a bit and way beind in my email/bloglines/phonecalls and etc....more later.

xo

thanks, hugs, tears and a few thoughts

Thanks for the emails, reiki, thoughts and calls. I think that it helps to know that others care and understand...it eases the pain and makes it easier to "come back" after the storm. Thanks for that. Somehow I'm feeling better as the week comes to an end.

We lost Willie late on Monday night and it was both sad and traumatic. It was a very, very bad experience, actually - and that is all I really want to say about that right now. Distance helps give us perspective and for that I am grateful.

I find that there is so much guilt involved with pet loss - "are we doing the best for...", " could I have been a better advocate...?", "why didn't I ask about...?", "maybe I should have insisted...?", "I wish I would have..." and so on. I wonder if it is similar with human illness and death? We become a voice for our pets and also have that "choice" to end their suffering with euthanasia - a call we really don't have to make with our loved-people. So many opportunities for guilt and second guessing. Its hard.

So we're working it out. It will take time.

I'm hoping for a garden post this weekend as there is a lot of vibrance out there - a good feeling of new life.

xo

Balancing

It is just so weird around here lately.

Looking at my last post, I wondered if it might give a glimpse into that?

It seemed odd that I chose to combine a post about the decline of our elder cat, Willie, with pics of my latest plush creations. And, it still seems odd to me. No, I wasn't tipsy...I also wasn't trying to seek out attention or anything like that. It was simply a reflection of how things have felt to me here lately. Odd. Feels uneven to share something cute with something devastating. How does one hold both things?

Spring is here. Mid-March & all. Happy times. Fresh times, right? Uhmm..?

A trip to Canton is on the horizon...well, like, actually this upcoming weekend...if it happens at all. Time stands still and it whizzes past me. Is that normal? Doesn't feel normal. Feels odd.

The good thing is that Willie woke us up to feed him this morning. Bad thing is that he refuses tuna juice tonight. Some things slip through your fingers. Time feels like that tonight. Time feels like that so far in 2008, to be honest.

Slipping through the proverbial fingers...but abso-freaking-lutely...standing still.

For today & for this weekend, we/I will try to stay in the moment. We will love our old cat, brush him and hand deliver tuna treats. We will try not to think about the fact that Easter comes around again without an egg hunt and that Mother's Day is just around the corner. We will try not to think that we'll lose another family member before the daughter in our hearts has a chance to ever meet them.

Perhaps it is better to attempt not to dwell upon the above vs. "not think about it" because such things are already in our thoughts and there isn't much we can do about it.

I don't have 3 Words to sum it all up - I wish that I did. Maybe I should try harder? 2008 has gotten off to a rough start and I'm sure hoping that there is a corner coming up that we'll get to turn around for a brighter perspective.



*PS - Regarding the pic above: Iris has been acting out, I'm thinking because of all the attention that Willie has been getting here lately. Above you'll see her attempt at comic relief in scaling the curtain rod.

Yes, she needed to be surgically removed!

Yin and Yang

I'd like to introduce you to the two most recent plush additions to my buttercupbloom etsy boutique:

Edwin the Excellent Owl - who hails from a Ponderosa Pine in Oregon


And, his sister, Ms. Hester Gillespie, the Amazing Hoot Owl...a Southern gal


Sweet.


Its been a little difficult to smile around here as our family has been dealt yet another blow. Our elder cat, Willie, was diagnosed this week with an incurable type of heart failure. Sudden, yes. Too close to losing, Cleo, yes. Cherishing this last weekend together, yes. Lots of cans of tuna being opened...and juice being squeezed for our boy. He's as happy and comfortable as we can enable him to be. So hard.

So, plush owls make us smile...as do brand new baby nephews with names that start with the letter "O". I'm off to visit baby "O" tomorrow as long as ol' Willie remains stable.


Yin and Yang.

Special Delivery!

This special bit of jewelry couldn't be more perfect for me. The x's and the o's. The Ruby and the Pearl. I thought that I should wait to give myself this gift until Mother's Day - but why?



Please go have a look at SandySimone's lovely etsy shop. You just might find something equally thoughtful and poignant for yourself. I can wholeheartedly say that Sandy is a lovely spirit and to own a bit of her work might just make you cry happy tears. I did.

More later, I promise. Been feeling quiet but missing you.

xo

Gardening is Good

Its been quiet over here at the buttercup casa. Contemplative and quiet. Thank you to everyone who has offered condolences and empathy via our comments section, email and phone. It all has helped...and I am grateful.

Gardening has helped, too. For months I haven't wanted to venture to the backyard as my guilt has been heavy & I couldn't bear to look at how neglected my garden has been. I was convinced that after the combination of last summer's heat wave, three (fairly) back to back long vacations w/o a gardener and just the schlump that the end of 2007 bestowed upon me - my garden might never recover. I should have known better...

The snowdrops are thriving!


As are the Hellebores!


Can you see the weeeensiest bit of green on this Viburnum?? I thought FOR SURE I'd killed it last year - but the girl is coming back!!


Finally, here is a picture of my Flowering Quince. Long time buttercup readers may remember how I planted the original on the first Mother's Day after we were logged in - that was 2006. It died, so I planted a second last May. It did okay as I watered it religiously last summer. Here's a link to that story & pics. Sure looks like we just might see it bloom for the first time this Spring! EX-cellent!


Just for fun, here is a pic of my latest plush creation. Harriet the Hoot Owl! Doesn't she look cute amongst the Forget-me-nots?


Thank goodness for the Garden.
xo

Semi Wordless Wednesday - Love to Cleo

Cleo was our Queen.

We miss her. Iris lay alongside the cat carrier after we came home that day. That very sad February 9th afternoon. She sat there all day.


She misses her Cleo momma.


And we do, too. So much. Her absence is a subtle, sorrowful ache that brings a sad, very sad tear. Many tears, actually. She'd been through so much...too much to type here. I always knew that I loved her, we all did - but I do feel sorry that she ended up in the background of our life. She was a quiet girl, a proud girl, and a very loyal girl. What a girl. What a special girl. No matter how subdued, she was very much part of our lives.

I decided that I needed to make a Cleo Pillow. One that lay amongst the pillows and the cushions that she loved to lounge upon the couch area. Sometimes the pillow takes away our breath....


as we imagine her there.

Oh, Cleo. We miss you. And, we love you. We hope that you are basking in the sun that is kitty-paradise with your soulmate Sam in the most perfect sun spot of love. Love to you.

xo, the Z's

Wanna See My Peaches????

Thought that might grab some attention - haha! Check em' out, my Golden Peaches collection - all named after Oscar nominees. My first one, Cate, sold in a flash. Here are three others:


Ellen/Juno


Phillip - as in Seymour Hoffman


...and Daniel - as in Day Lewis.

Nothing like a little fun to brighten the weekend - and a reminder that "sometimes Life's a Peach".


For more pictures and info on my recent blueberry additions - please click here.

Happy Weekend Everyone. xo

21 Months and 21 Minutes

Today is our 21 Month LID "Anniversary"...steadily creeping toward the 2 Year Mark.

Yesterday was Valentines Day. It was a day that Cupid decided to shoot U-S-C-I-S in the heart - and we felt the love.


Bracing ourselves for a long-ass wait to get re-fingerprinted (we were there for hours last time), jzboy and I both took the day off and enjoyed a leisurely and decadent breakfast (at this place) before getting in line. We dragged our feet a little but eventually arrived at the insititution with reading/writing/listening materials in our pockets.

Immediately we were greeted by the comedian receptionist guy who looked at us suspiciously. "You two look like US Citizens", he demurred. We explained. He nodded. We were given numbers #500 & 501 then waved through to the next level.


Thankfully the federal workers swapped out the cloying Celine Dion in Concert vid for something with Steve Martin. The new selection was an english version with, of course, english subtitles. After about 10 minutes, we were asked to sit in line with our backs to the screen. Ah well...I guess we could still listen.


It must have been Cupids Arrow because the Biometrics team was all smiles, wearing Valentinesy beads and had a gentle touch when pressing hands to fingerprinting screens. Maybe it was a little romantic in a way. I'll have to think on that. But whatever it was, it moved me to writing some glowing feedback for the group before I decended the 2nd floor workspace. Livescanning was just a walk in the park this go around and for that I was very grateful.

We were out of there in 21 minutes and off to enjoy the rest of our Valentines Day just the way we wanted.


Thanks Cupid.

Goodnight Old Girl

We love you so dearly, Cleo, and only hope that you are with your lifepartner, Sam, snuggling in the sun right now. For hours and hours and hours...and hours. Your bliss is our hope.

Our tears remind us of how much love you brought to our lives. And, how much we loved you.

xo

Love Letter

Took me a little longer than usual, but I finally got around to writing up all of my thank you notes for so many great Christmas gifts that were sent our way.


Back in the day, I would get those puppies written and into the mail before the New Year. Yes, I was teased for it - but that was just my way. Not this year, though. This year I needed some extra time post-holiday to gather up my energy before I could write my notes. Perhaps I needed a little extra time before I could actually feel truly grateful. Time for the haze of disappointment and anger about another holiday spent childless to lift.

Know what I mean?

Our families have been really great to us and have continued to bestow upon us some excellent books, $$ toward the "baby fund", enough quilt fabric for 10 Bai Jia Beis and countless trinkets for the child that they ((too)) look forward to meeting someday. This wait is hard on all of us - family & dear friends alike - and that is something I have to remind myself of during these periods of self absorption. Check out this killer Girl Scout doll that BabyZ's most-excellent Auntie gave us for XMas:


She can't wait for her neice to meet our family, I just know that is true.

Long time readers of this ol' buttercup blog know that music is very important to me. It is important to all of us, but a lot of times it functions as a lifeline for me. I want to thank my Walternatives bud for trading cd mixes with me almost monthly last year. Thanks to her I now know the difference between Nancy Griffith and Patty Griffin. Making Pies, baby!


Atomic Mama introduced me to the lovely and amazing Nouvelle Vague 80's mixes as well as the killer bits and pieces of DJ Shinky. Jessi - oh my bud, Jessi - has sent so many mixes. Now that is a lady who loves her some new music! Thanks, Jessi, for telling me all about Cat Power, the Shins & Kelley Deal 6000 (now I know why they sound so 80's - Breeders! Pixies!! I was right!!) Fliss, another bloggity gal noticed my "Soundtrack for a Waiting Mother & sent us a couple of cds full poignant tunes that she thought would be good additions to the list. All of this music means so much. Thank you, thank you!!

Ok, now back to the handicrafts. Kimi, a local waiting parent, who has her own online sewing patterns shop called New Conceptions, gave us these very swanky shoes as a baby "comin' around the corner when she comes" kind of gift.


I think that Auntie Kimi gave us these back in August?? Sorry to be sharing so late, but damn! the corner is just so far in the distance these days. Somehow I lost track of the cuteness. Pause for a moment, tho...can you believe that she made these shoes herself?? Her-own-Damn-SELF?? Sweet!

Another near and dear bud, Jules, has sent some very special things to us that she has thoughtfully embroidered with her rad-ass, self proclaimed Big White Machine. We love them. The love onesie:


...and the Rockstar outfit:


Thank you Jules! Please go visit her shop called pinkpolkadotz.com and see all of the excellent things that she can do with that Big White Machine.

All of this love in such a scattered post can only lead to the randomness of how close that I've become with my LID Secret Pal, Jen. Random only b/c we met online via our agency LID Yahoo group as complete strangers who would never have met otherwise - We are family now. She and her hubs just got back from Ethiopia with their daughter, Amara, about a month ago. Jzboy and felt so fortunate to hang with the happy family last weekend. Here is the newest member of our circle, Ms. Amara:


Isn't Jen GLOWING??

What a sweet little peach Amara is. Jen roasted up some Ethiopian coffee beans for us to enjoy and sent us along our merry (and very BUZZED) way after sipping the delicious french pressed liquor. Amazing. The baby, the new family...and the roasty-toasty beans. Sweet.

Ok, moving right along. So out of the blue this past week we got a call from the infamous Atomic Mama. She & her hubs were planning a crazy roadtrip & wanted to know if they could drop by? Uhhhh, yeah! Batten down the hatches and pull out the Dim Sum, y'all...the queen is coming to town!


Oh how I wish these guys lived closer. We miss them already.

AMama made the most spectacular blanket for our baby2be. I think that she has been paying attention to one of my many color affairs - Pink and Red. The best. And, cherries! Sweetness in the most unique, styling, fun & quirky way - a lot like the designer herself. You tha' bomb, yo.


Thank you to dear ol' DSue - for burning me a copy of Kitchen Confidential onto cd. Anthony Bourdain RULES, most definitely. What a MAN. I actually looked forward to getting in the car each morning to hear the next installment in spite of my long commute. Your gift truly propellelled me through the December morning blahs. You rock, my friend. Thank you.


Ok, I think that I've gone on long enough. This is the lengthiest post I've written in some time. It needed to be done - I needed to remind myself of those thankful places in my life. They are there. They are here. They come in strange packages and from far away places sometimes. Oddly enough, they even come through the computer occasionally.

I know that I was very specific with my thanks above, but what I really wanted was to say outloud and to whomever is reading how grateful I am for your presence. Please accept my thanks for all of the much needed laughs, the surprising inspirations, the empathy, the motivation to keep on keepin' on, the shout-outs, the LOVE...and the support as I branch out into other endeavors (etsy & all that).

Maybe it is a bit late, but my words of thanks are so real and true. Big Ol' LOVE to y'all.

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year.

xo

Want to Win A Prize????

If you find yourself a Gambling Type - go check out this link to a Voting Promo within Etsy. No purchase is necessary - alls ya gots ta do is vote. Consider it practice for the upcoming primaries...

The California Crafter's Club of Etsy (CCCOE) has asked for members to make an item for their Etsy Shop that was inspired by the topic of "Science". My entry was Paige:


...the bespectacled Wild Carrot that dreams of Library Science.

The unique (& very cool) thing about this contest is that the Voters are the ones that are up for prizes. Lucky voters, you are, because these excellent prizes were made by a very cool woman who uses vintage LP vinyl in amazing ways!

Click here to view all 27 entries in one place at quirkynberkeley's blog. All voting needs to be done on the etsy link at the top, but it is easy to see the widely varying entries...inspired by Marine Biology, Phrenology, Astronomy & Wild Veggies all at once.

Go, scope it out. You might win a prize!! Polls are open til' midnight, February 8th.

Why the Rain Rocks - Part Deux

GREEN Hills to gaze at on the way to work...for a limited time only.




And cozy fires at home after an hour long commute through a rush hour downpour:

Wax on Wax Hoff

Really, you've got to try "Waxing Hoff" - click here if you are up for the challenge.

It is a game of skill.

Rad Ass Radish

Uh-oh. There she goes again...with her veggies.

Am I becoming, like, The Veggie Lady? Hmmm, maybe I'm ok with that...?


My latest is a spicy little root, Randall, the Rad Ass Radish.

Please click here to visit Randall at my Etsy Boutique and see his full portfolio of pictures + cheeky bio.

All I can say is thanks to some cancelled plans, a bit of rainy weather and my recent love of all things red - radishes are appearing out of thin air up in here.

Well, maybe just two.

Hope that your weekend is equally colorful, vibrant, fun and relaxing.

xo

I'm calling her Jan

Here is our newest family member. Quite photogenic, wouldn't you agree??

Haha. I've had my ol' Kenmore for a good 10 years and really didn't think that I needed anything more than that. So I kinda shrugged him off when Jzboy said he wanted to give me a new machine for Christmas. Then we browsed a few Sew & Vac shops and a couple Janome/Babylock dealers. Didn't take me long to change my attitude. Jzboy did a lot of the research - because there are some serious techie points to consider. I fell in love with this Janome after getting a very good demo, a promise of lessons for the life of the machine and that was that. Those lessons are certainly going to come in handy as I have NO IDEA what to do with 14 feet!

Christmas gift + a full liquidation of the Jade fund x limitless creative opportunities = Priceless Distraction for Waiting IA Mother2Be

Steppin' it up a notch...or 20.

Riddle Me This

What has the largest arm of its kind, the accuracy and control of a racehorse, 14 fully functional feet, speaks 10 different languages and purrs like a kitten?

Today

This is how I feel about it today.


Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow.

Walk on the Wild Side

Unveiling my very first....Wild Blueberry! Her name is Indigo.


You all realize that I'm mowing through the baby name list that I've kept for...hmmm...I think 15 odd years. So this is what I decided today: Because there is very little, if nothing, that I can do about all the bad news floating around our IA cyber community - I'm gonna take the blues and make blueberries. Rationalizes all the time spent on this project as well as the zoning-out diversion that they've provided...reruns of The Office helped, too.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Click here to see more pictures of Indigo. I'll be adding more blueberries over the next few days...so stop by my etsy boutique for updates.

Wordless Wednesday....